


Shattered

by ironxprince



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Dead Peter Parker, Depression, Gen, Hurt Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Protective Steve Rogers, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, dead pepper potts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25992547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironxprince/pseuds/ironxprince
Summary: After losing both Peter and Pepper in the Snap, Tony isn't coping well. Steve, Rhodes, and Mantis try to get through to him, but he might be too far gone.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Mantis & Tony Stark
Comments: 14
Kudos: 86





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags. This is essentially 5,000 words in the mindset of a depressed person featuring suicidal thoughts and minor anorexia, and though there's a positive ending, it isn't necessarily a happy one. Take care of yourselves. ♡

Tony sits on the lawn outside the Avengers compound, leaning back on his hands as his legs are sprawled out before him. The compound is to his back as he stares out at the trees. The sky above, though noon, is dark, congested with the dust of the fallen. Most people choose to stay inside, to avoid the reminder of the horrid fate of the world, but Tony needs to remain outside, to be near them. He needs to see them, to acknowledge everyone he’s failed. He owes them that much. He needs to watch the trees sway, to hear the birds chirp faintly, half as loud as they had been before, and Tony knows he’s not imagining things.

It’s been a month since the Snap, a week since he’s returned to Earth, and five days since he was healthy enough to leave the hospital room of the compound; though, he still needs the IV line, and Dr. Rodriguez had allowed him to drag it out here after he became too irritating to keep around others.

Peter is gone. Pepper is gone.

He failed them both.

He feels Rhodes’ eyes on his back, hears him whispering with Steve a few steps away from just outside the compound. Tony doesn’t care; why should he? He cared too much once before. He tried. He fought. In the end, he wasn’t enough - wasn’t good enough, wasn’t _strong_ enough.

He couldn’t save them, so why care? Why subject himself to that pain again?

He hears the door to the compound open and a third voice joins the first two. Dr. Rodriguez, speaking about him. Expressing her worry, but who would care if anything happened to him, anyway? His fiance is gone. His… _apprentice_ , gone, but really, he’s just fooling himself by thinking the latter ever cared for him, if not for his status, or his money, like the others. _She_ was the only one who cared, who _ever_ cared.

And now, she’s gone.

_Steve is there to catch Tony as he falls, as he trips over the last step of the Benatar and is stabilized by Steve’s hands on his elbows. Steve. The last time he saw Steve, they…._

_But that doesn’t matter. None of it matters, anymore._

_They lost._

Tony _lost._

_He needs to say something. He’s on the verge of death. He’s been in space for weeks. Words need to be spoken, and so Tony says the only thing he can._

_“I lost the kid.”_

_And until this moment, it hadn’t been real. Everything had been so hectic, so chaotic, the worst case scenario. A fever dream; what’s one more nightmare?_

_But now, Tony’s back on Earth. His feet are on the ground. He has all the food he can eat, an atmosphere he can comfortably breathe in, and all the resources in the world. By every definition of the word, Tony is safe, and he’s comfortable._

_Peter is dead._

_There’s nothing Tony can do to bring him back._

_Why does Tony deserve this life when Peter’s gone, when he failed the kid that trusted him so? How does he deserve_ any _of this?_

 _“Tony, we lost,” Steve says. We. Oh, so it’s_ we _now. Tony wants to be angry; he knows he should be, but for the life of him, he can’t manage it. There is so much more than anger right now; there is… pain, this unidentifiable feeling deep in his chest, this aching and desperation that’s restricting his lungs and it’s getting worse, because Steve is here, but Tony can’t see much past him, and his vision is blurring and the sky is darkening and…._

_“Is… is Pep….” He finds Steve’s eyes. Tell me she’s okay. Tell me… I lost so much, I can’t lose her, too…._

_The longer Steve hesitates, the more Tony finds his heart sinking. No. No, she can’t be-_

_Steve’s eyes grow sad. “Tony, I’m sorry.”_

_Tony shakes his head. He can’t breathe, can’t force out an exhale. His chest is tight and his legs are shaking and he can’t keep his balance and- and the sky is darkening and-_

Tony had woken a couple of hours later from a medically-induced coma, weaned off the medication the moment he was healthy enough to be. He stared up at the ceiling because, this must all be a dream. Rhodes was sitting at his bedside but _she_ wasn’t, and Tony can’t- he can’t live in a world where-

Rhodes sat up straighter when he caught Tony looking. “Hey, Tony, you’re awake-”

“Outside,” Tony muttered, eyes staring unseeing at the flickering lights above him.

Rhodes placed a hand on his arm. “Look, Tones, I’m sorry-”

“Rhodey, I need to go outside.”

“I….” Rhodes looked out the door toward the hallway, at a loss for what to say. Tony’s fumbling hand grasped Rhodes’ elbow, and when he looked back Tony was staring up at him, pleading.

“Please,” he whispered, but they hadn’t let him leave, not for 48 hours.

Now, Tony sits alone as he had been for the last couple of days, staring up at the sky that’s dark without clouds, that’s textured without rain.

He failed.

He failed them all.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Tony registers footsteps approaching. They’re slow and uncertain in an attempt to be faint. Not Rhodes, then, and definitely not Dr. Rodriguez.

Steve.

“Hey, Tony,” he says. Tony speaks nothing in response. Why try? _Outside._ It had been one of the few words Tony spoke since waking up. Now, he has his wish. He’s never left the grass since settling here five days ago, except for when Rhodes coaxes him inside in the evenings, or when Dr. Rodriguez gives him his medication, or when Steve offers him food that he barely touches.

Steve settles beside Tony on the grass. Tony doesn’t turn his head.

“Look, we’re all worried about you,” Steve says. “ _I’m_ worried about you.”

_Are you, or are you worried about my wallet?_

“It’s been five days. We all lost. We all failed, but at some point, you know… we need to start living again. We need to move on.”

Tony doesn’t give Steve a response, doesn’t want to humour that statement with one.

“You know….” Steve quiets his voice. “I could help you with this. Rhodey, Nat, any of us, really. You just need to be willing to open up.”

Tony lets his gaze trail along the treeline. The leaves look dirty, their colour muted. _That’s because they are._ Tony feels the grain on his palms, can hear the pleas in his ears. _I don’t want to go, Mr. Stark._

_I’m sorry._

A tear trails its way down Tony’s cheek, the most he’s felt since that ant crawled over his fingers… a couple of minutes ago? An hour ago? Yesterday? Tony doesn’t know. He doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter, anyway.

Nothing does.

“Okay,” Steve says quietly, moving to stand. “We’re all here for you, Tony. I hope you know that.”

And then he leaves, footsteps fading, and the three of them converse behind his back. Let them, as long as they come nowhere near him.

The sun sets, the sky getting darker than it should be. A couple of months ago, Tony was out on this very same lawn, looking up at the stars. Now, they’re obscured by the dust of the fallen… no, not dust.

Remains.

Like clockwork, Rhodes appears at his side. “Tones?” he says, hovering just over Tony’s shoulder. “Come on, it’s time to head in.”

Tony doesn’t move; he can’t find the strength in him to. “The bugs are going to eat you alive if you stay out here, man.”

_Let them._

Rhodes places a hand on Tony’s shoulder, grabs him by the arm. “Come on,” he says quietly, beginning to tug Tony to his feet. “Come on.”

Rhodes holds Tony’s arm with one hand and drags the IV pole after them with the other. Tony feels Rhodes’ hand on his arm, and in contrast, the cold air on his skin, but he registers none of it. What is his skin, anyway? What is his body? What is it holding, supporting, keeping alive? What is the point?

Rhodes guides Tony inside, supporting the entirety of his weight while he pulls open doors and guides Tony through twisting hallways. Tony sees faces pass him by, watching him, stepping out of his way. There’s red hair and Wakandan uniforms, the woman that looks more like an insect that was stuck with him and Blue Meanie on the ship. Mantis, her name was, and Nebula was the other.

Oh, Tony remembers them. A faint smile crosses his lips, and it hurts. It feels foreign. It vanishes before he can give it another second of thought.

Tony remembers teaching them paper football, remembers watching them play against each other. He even laughed, once. He felt something about them, like they were… like they were his kids, like his kids along with….

That was the night he filmed the video for….

That was the night he thought would be his last. He didn’t think he would see morning, and it’s funny. In that time, _before,_ that was a thought Tony feared.

Now, it’s one he welcomes - or, that’s inaccurate.

It’s a thought he’s indifferent to.

Tony doesn’t care what happens to him, because there’s no one around left to care _about_ him.

 _Rhodes,_ says a whisper in Tony’s mind, but what is Tony to Rhodes? Now, he’s a burden, a charity case, a recipient of Rhodes’ pity. Tony has to admire Rhodes’ dedication when all he wants is for Tony to be gone.

Well, Tony may be soon.

Rhodes coaxes Tony into pajamas, then helps him wash his face. Tony finds his own eyes in the mirror as Rhodes scrubs at his cheeks with a facecloth. His eyes are dark and shadowed, his cheeks sunken. His arms are frail and trembling from where they clutch the counter. When did this happen? When did he get like this? Is this the way it’s always been? Tony doesn’t remember.

_Yes, you do._

_It all began when you failed the_ ~~_world_~~ _universe._

Because that’s what he did. This one little mortal from Earth was tasked with saving the universe, Atlas with the weight of the world on his shoulders, and he let them down. He let them all down. They died, half of them, dead, but that’s not the worst part.

The worst part is that he survived.

Tony lived. It’s a gift, he should think, but what does he have to show for it? Those closest to him are dead. He has a heavy heart and a mind that is simultaneously crowded and clear as a lake. Why does he deserve to live when he caused the death of so many? Why was he gifted with life when he has no power to do anything with it?

As Rhodes helps him lay in bed, as he shuts off the light with the reminder that he’ll be back in the morning, as Tony stares up at the dark ceiling and begins to pick up patterns on the tiles that are just out of focus, he thinks of his suits, collecting dust somewhere in the compound. He thinks of the Mark L, the one that was destroyed for its parts back on the Benatar, torn up to ensure his safety with two strangers from space, two aliens that Tony depended on for his survival, and he for theirs. All those years working on new designs, on becoming better and stronger and _greater,_ on reaching for new heights. Well, he got there. He reached it. _Space,_ the highest height there is. He was pummelled to the surface of a planet he didn’t know existed by a mad titan wielding a moon as a weapon. Where were his suits then? Where was his money, his power, his influence?

Where are they now?

 _What_ are they now?

Tony doesn’t know, and he doesn’t think he wants to.

Does he sleep that night, or does he simply stare at the empty space above him until morning? Does it matter? Does he care?

Rhodes arrives in the morning like he said he would, helping Tony into a new outfit, helping him brush his teeth. Tony knows he’s a burden and he knows he’s too much, but he can’t stop. He’s falling, too far down to be caught by others and too weak to catch himself, and he’ll continue to fall until he can’t any longer, until the floor hits him hard, until he erupts in a cloud of everything he deemed good and all the bad that had found him anyway, and all the material things he thought gave him worth and every valuable thing in life that passed him by in his pursuit of nothing that ever mattered.

Dr. Rodriguez replaces his IV as he sits on the hospital bed, paper beneath him making the barest crinkle under the slightest movement of his breaths.

“You need to eat,” she tells him, leaning against the opposite wall with her arms crossed. His eyes find hers, and she looks disappointed, but under that… scared. Scared her funding will be decreased, scared she’ll be out of a job. Well, Tony has enough money to go around twice. She will be well taken care of, but if she’s so worried about him, she shouldn’t be wasting all this time on a useless cause. He’ll be gone soon, anyway.

Dr. Rodriguez doesn’t react at the lack of response. She’s still, unmoving, as if competing with Tony, challenging him to move if she won’t.

“None of this is your fault,” she assures him quietly, but, of course it is. She doesn’t know, doesn’t know that Tony was _right there,_ that he had the opportunity to stop it all but _didn’t,_ that the damn doctor gave up that stupid glowing stone to save his measely, mortal life.

She doesn’t know.

“I lost someone, too, you know,” she continues quietly. “My nephew. My best friend, and… my husband.”

Tony meets her eyes. For once, she’s not looking back at him.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. His voice is rough with disuse, almost unintelligible, but she hears it anyway, shaking her head.

“That’s not why I told you,” she says, gaze still averted. “I meant, you’re not alone in this. There are people around who can speak with you, who will understand. I’m sorry for all you went through, truly, I am, but you were saved for a purpose. You may not understand that yet, but I believe everything happens for a reason. If you are one of the 50% that’s still here, then there’s a reason for you to be.”

Tony drops his gaze. It’s a stupid belief, a false one. The reason he’s here is that he _lost,_ and if the universe has a hand in it, it’s because he’s being punished for letting them down, all of them, the ones that are gone and the ones that have stayed.

It’s all his fault.

Dr. Rodriguez drops Tony’s medication in his right hand and a cup of water in his left, liquid sloshing against the lip as his hands tremble. They always do that, these days.

It takes Tony a moment before he’s able to move, dropping the pills into his mouth, one by one. He feels them click against his teeth. Dr. Rodriguez watches him; she told him why on the first day, when he was still processing, when he was still grieving. (Did he ever stop?) She needs to make sure he takes his pills, that he really swallows them, that he’s not going to spit them out the moment she leaves the room. He chases them down with a sip of water, then lifts his tongue for her inspection. He’s not embarrassed; he’s not ashamed. He doesn’t… _feel_ enough to fear those things. He doesn’t remember how to define them.

“Okay,” Dr. Rodriguez says after a moment. “You can go, Tony.”

Tony doesn’t move from the bed, and Dr. Rodriguez expects this, opening the door to the room. Rhodes is there, waiting. He gently picks Tony up and guides them into the hallway after shared words of _How is he?_ and _What comes next?_

What comes next? What do they do, after this life? Where do they go?

No one knows, but Tony wants to find out.

No, he doesn’t necessarily want to.

But he’s going to.

The door closes behind them and they wait just past the threshold, Rhodes’ hand on Tony’s arm as he stares, unblinking, at the wall across from them.

“So, what’s on the agenda today?” Rhodes asks, his voice too high, a false attempt at a pleasantry. Tony doesn’t answer; Rhodes doesn’t need him to. Still, he tries.

“I know Steve’s been at the library,” Rhodes supplies. Tony stares at the opposite wall, swaying lightly on his feet. “Or, Natasha’s been in the theatre room.” _Blink._ His head lolls forward, and Rhodes sighs. “Okay,” he says quietly. “Let’s go outside.”

He helps Tony out the doors and back onto the lawn, and Tony returns to the spot where the grass is plastered down, where the dirt is pressed flat.

Rhodes hovers over his shoulder.

“We need you, Tony,” he says. _You need my wallet. You’ll have it, don’t worry._ “We need you here, on this planet, with us, okay? So… so I need you to take care of yourself. Not _we,_ I. I need you, man,” Rhodes says, voice breaking. “You’re my best friend, and I can’t watch you work yourself into the ground like this. I just… I can't watch you do this to yourself.”

Tony blinks in the silence Rhodes leaves before opening his mouth, lips cracked and tongue feeling heavy. “Then close your eyes.”

Rhodes sniffles. He cracks a grin. “Yeah,” he whispers. He pats Tony’s shoulder once, and then he’s gone, and Tony is left alone once more.

Rhodes doesn’t mind. Rhodes won’t care. He pretends he does, because he feels guilty, because he _will_ feel guilty. Well, there’s no need for it. This isn’t on Rhodes. This is Tony’s decision, and he _knows_ he can’t be here anymore. He just… he can’t.

Tony doesn’t know how long he sits there, staring out at nothing. The sun climbs higher in the sky, slim rays striking through the harsh darkness of the grain. They feebly caress his face, barely reaching him, but Tony doesn’t feel any of the warmth under the shadow of darkness. The light, the warmth, the _happiness_ , it all sits away, just out of his reach, and he can’t ever get there. The shadow is insurmountable.

The door to the compound opens once more and quiet, barely-there footsteps make their way outside. Vaguely, Tony’s mind registers who they belong to, but he doesn’t slide the pieces together to identify the person until they’re standing just in front of him, blocking what little light he has left.

Mantis leans over him, her hands clutched in front of her stomach, her eyes wide and concerned as she tilts her head and leans forward, trying to get a closer look. Tony stares, unseeing, through her as she slowly drops to her knees in front of him.

“You’re sad,” she says. Tony merely blinks in response, and she nods, adjusting herself so she’s settled beside him. “I am, too.” Her voice is quiet, soothing, and as much as Tony loves her it reminds him of their time in the Benatar. It drags him back to space, and Tony has to tilt his head back and look up at the clouds, taking deep and slow breaths to ward off the memories. He’s not on the ship; he’s _not._

Maybe he deserves to be, though, drifting off in space with no hope for rescue, but here he is anyway, one of the lucky few who survived.

He doesn’t feel so lucky.

Mantis says nothing more, and Tony’s grateful for it. They simply sit and look up at the sky. Slowly, Mantis leans closer until her shoulder accidentally brushes against his. And then, she leaps back with a shout.

Tony turns his head. Mantis is on her knees a couple of steps away, hunched over and staring up at him, as if she’s physically pained with her hands clutched over her chest. Tony’s brow furrows and he blinks. Did she finally realize it, all he had done, all he had failed to do? Does she blame him now, like they all do?

“You… are in p-pain,” she cries, forcing the words out like it hurts her to do so. “Tremendous pain, and loss, and despair, and… _guilt._ ” She doubles over, her hands clutched around her stomach and her head falling to the earth, and Tony watches her sadly. He damages everyone he touches; he always knew this. They would be better off to just leave him be.

“You love… so much,” she stutters as she looks up at him, her large eyes filled with tears. “And it _hurts._ ”

Tony merely blinks, turning his attention back to the sky as her sobs ring out from beside him. He doesn’t want to hurt her any more than he already has; he wishes she would simply go back inside, but he hears her sniffle, notices her shuffling to her feet and tiptoeing back to his side. She hovers above him, crying softly, before placing four gentle fingertips on his head.

She collapses almost instantly upon contact, falling to his side, and she places her second hand on his back in an attempt to stabilize herself as her cries grow louder and she tilts her head forward in desperation. Tony remains still, letting her do what she feels she must, waiting for something to change - and then, he feels it, warmth growing from the places her fingers touch. It’s a small thing, the flicker of a candle in a cave as it attempts to spread throughout his body.

Mantis had done this before, back on the ship, to keep his and Nebula’s spirits up. She didn’t do it often, and it never lasted for long; she couldn’t share what she didn’t have.

Now, Mantis fights, pushing harder to spread… _happiness,_ Tony realizes. It had been so long since he felt it. It comes in flickers - working in his garage, fighting alongside his team, his mother’s hand on his shoulder, Peter's laughter, Pepper running her fingers through his hair - but the memories are gone as soon as they appear and Mantis tumbles back, chest heaving and tears falling freely.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers from between gasping breaths. “I’m-”

Slowly, Tony turns his head to face her, but by that point she’s already gone, scrambling up and away toward the compound. Leaving him, just like they all did, just like they all will do.

Just like they all should do.

The grass tickles his legs and his shoulders grow stiff, but Tony can’t move. He’s sunken into the earth; he’s planted his roots and he will be dragged down, beneath layers of dirt, down to the rock, until he can’t see the sun anymore, until he can’t _breathe_ anymore, and no one will be able to reach him. They’ll all be better for it, anyway, and so, Tony will let the earth take him.

The shuffling of grass and heavy, panting breaths make themselves known, once more. Why do people keep coming to see him? What purpose arises from speaking with him?

Rhodes settles beside him where Mantis was just moments - hours? - before. He shivers when he settles on the grass, but it isn’t even cold. If it is, Tony doesn't feel it.

“Mantis came running inside,” Rhodes informs him, looking straight ahead. “She locked herself in her room. She won’t come out.” Tony blinks up at the darkening sky. The sun is setting. “What did you say to her?”

 _I didn’t need to say anything,_ Tony thinks. _My presence is enough to send anyone that comes near into a downward spiral._

_Go away, Rhodes._

_I don’t want to ruin you, too._

“Come on, man. Just talk to me,” Rhodes sighs. Tony says nothing, and Rhodes’ hand clenches into a fist atop the grass. “You know, you’re being incredibly selfish,” he mutters. Tony’s heart leaps into his throat, but he outwardly does nothing. _I know. I know._ “We all lost,” Rhodes continues angrily. “We all fought him, and failed. We all lost someone close to us. We need you to keep the team together, because- because you’re the heart of it, man. You’re the centre of it all.”

Yes, Tony knows how valuable he is to the team. He knows that they need his image, that without his money, none of this exists. He also knows that he’ll leave them with enough money to replace his presence when he’s gone, and they won’t mind. The compound will be taken care of, the team funded, and they won’t have to worry about him again.

Rhodes nudges Tony’s shoulder. Tony doesn’t budge, and Rhodes scoffs.

“Yeah. You know what, if you stop feeling sorry for yourself, get off your ass, and help us, we might be able to undo it.” _And then I’ll just fail, again, and again, and again._

_There’s no way to get them back. It’s over._

“I can’t believe this,” Rhodes mutters under his breath, hopping up to his feet. “We have a chance to undo this. Does that mean nothing to you?” Tony finds Rhodes’ eyes and for a moment they’re left staring at each other. Rhodes looks away first; Tony could keep staring for days, because he’s not looking _toward_ something, he’s looking _away_ from something else. Rhodes doesn’t understand, though. How could Tony expect him to?

“You got a chance at life,” Rhodes says, his voice low. “You survived. You’ve got to believe that happened for a reason! Now, I need you to get up and _help us,_ because this battle isn’t over until we win!”

_We can’t win._

I _can’t win._

_I tried, and I failed._

Rhodes’ face grows contorted. He’s upset. He’s _angry,_ angry with Tony, as they all should be. “I have been dragging your ass around the compound for a week!” he yells. “I lost friends, and I lost family, and _still,_ I managed to tend to _your_ needs, and do whatever _you_ want. You don’t think I want to get on the ground and cry, too? But I won’t, because more needs to be done, and unlike you, I’m willing to do it. Are you going to help me, or not?”

Tony turns his head away and tilts it back, looking up at the remains of all those lost, all those he failed. He can’t do this. He can’t lose, not again.

It would destroy him, utterly and completely.

“I can’t believe you,” Rhodes says, turning and beginning to storm back to the compound. “I take care of you, day in and day out, and for what? You’re not appreciative, you’re not even living for something- I can’t help you if you’re not willing to help yourself, Tony!”

“Then don’t,” Tony whispers, words caught in the breeze, but Rhodes hears them anyway. He falters in his step.

“What?”

“Don’t help me anymore.”

Rhodes shakes his head in disbelief. “So, you’re ready to start taking care of yourself?” Tony doesn’t respond; he doesn’t even meet Rhodes’ eyes, and Rhodes nods once. “You’re ready to give up,” he corrects quietly.

A single tear traces its way down Tony’s cheek. He doesn’t lift a finger to stop it; he doesn’t have the energy to.

Rhodes opens his mouth. He closes it again. He turns and makes his way toward the compound. He leaves Tony behind.

The sky gets darker than Tony’s ever seen it. He’s never been outside this long; Rhodes always came to collect him in the evenings, but now, he’s alone.

His arms grow weak, trembling with the exertion of holding himself upright, and Tony begins to list to the side. He falls onto the grass, his cheek pressed into the dirt. His limbs are sprawled out; he can’t find the energy to pull them into himself. His eyes remain open, the lids too weak to fall shut.

 _Maybe this will be the night,_ he thinks, the night he falls asleep and doesn’t wake up. Dr. Rodriguez hadn’t come with his pills. Steve didn’t come with food. They’ve left him alone; they’ve finally given up.

This will be the night.

The sun is gone, and Tony will never see it again. He smiles faintly at the thought.

 _Pepper,_ he thinks as he lets out a trembling breath. _Peter,_ accompanied by a quivering in his chest, a bird fighting to get out of its cage, but the key doesn’t exist. _I’ll see you soon._

He falls asleep with a smile on his face.

A hand on his shoulder, and Tony thinks it’s theirs. He’s gone; he’s with them, now. But if he’s with them, that means he made it to heaven, and that’s not possible. Does it still hurt, in heaven? Should he still have this ache in his chest, this exhaustion in his bones, this pain running through his veins? He’s in hell, then. That makes more sense, given his life choices, all he’s ever done. _Hell._ At least he’s not alive.

“Tony,” a voice whispers. Masculine, and too deep to be Peter’s.

Rhodes, then.

Tony peels his eyes open. A cool breeze caresses his face and the sky begins to lighten above him. Has he spent the night outside?

But, wait, he’s… he’s back on earth.

He’s very much alive - unless this is hell, in which case, they’ve chosen his punishment, right on.

Tony squeezes his eyes shut as the tears begin to brim, as they flood over. He can’t do this anymore. He can’t _be_ here anymore, he _can’t-_

Rhodes reaches forward and tugs Tony to his chest, squeezing him tight. Tony grasps his arms around Rhodes, holding desperately to his back as he sobs. He can’t be here anymore. He can’t _do this_ anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Rhodes whispers as he holds Tony’s head to his chest. “I’m sorry- shit, Tones, I didn’t mean any of that. I’m so sorry, I’m so- and you spent the night out here, and- and Mantis showed me, she showed me her abilities and she showed me what you were feeling and-”

Rhodes lets out a heavy breath as he squeezes Tony tight to him, like they’re the only two left in the world. He begins to rock them back and forth as Tony lets himself sink against his friend, as the onslaught of emotions hits him, hard and heavy, and his chest aches and his lungs quiver with every shaky breath and he feels he may collapse from the pain. Rhodes holds him through it all, as the sun comes up and his legs fall asleep and their tears mix in a puddle on the ground, as he thinks of Pepper and Peter and all those he failed to see in his mission to meet them once more, and the half of the universe that he let down and all he failed to save. He thinks of them all and everything he could’ve done, everything he tried to do, how he failed them all.

“I’m sorry,” Rhodes whispers, his lips just beside Tony’s ear. “I’m sorry,” he says again, and Tony tries to shake his head. _No. You’re not the one who failed. You’re not the one who doomed the universe._ “We’ll get through this, I promise you,” he whispers fiercely. “I will help you through this, and if you need to drag me down to do it, then I will willingly go, okay? I swear, I won’t let you do this to yourself. I will help you through this, on my life, and we will get out the other side.”

 _Please,_ Tony thinks desperately as his eyes squeeze shut. _Help me._

“I know I failed,” Tony gasps, voice raspy and uneven. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t do it, but please, don’t leave me,” he sobs, the sounds of Rhodes yelling at him, the sight of his departing back, and Mantis before him, and Steve before her, they sting so much after the fact. Maybe Tony is selfish, but he can’t bear to lose anyone, not again.

“Never,” Rhodes says as he clutches Tony tight. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tones. Never again. I’ll never leave you again.”

Tony lets the tears fall and lets Rhodes soothe them away, and he clutches to Rhodes like Rhodes is all he has left in this world, because in a way, he is.

Somewhere off in the distance, Mantis awaits him. Nebula needs him, and Steve has something to say, but right here is Rhodes, the only one who’s come consistently, and Tony refuses to lose that. He’s terrified of what would happen if he does, if he’d be left alone.

Tony would not survive that, he’s sure he wouldn’t.

And that thought terrifies him.

So he clings tighter to Rhodes, holds on as tight as he can, and he thinks of Rhodes’ words in his mind. _I will help you through this. We will get out the other side._

_I’ll never leave you again._

And Tony’s lost so much already, and maybe he’s foolish to think that anything in this life is stable, but Tony chooses to believe those words one more time.


End file.
